my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
