well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
