Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
