So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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