There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
