1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
