I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
