if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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