did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
