i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
