At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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