Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
