I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
