Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
