if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
