Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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