My hair reeks of homosexuality.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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