We won't sleep together?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
