Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
