White coat. Heels.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
