The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Your dad touched me again.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
