I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
false alarm, still single
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