It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
