I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
