Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
