ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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