I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
