My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
