Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
