I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
