We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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