Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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