no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
