Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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