Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you didnt know i had herpes?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
