I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
