Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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