I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Who died my cat blue again?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
