i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
