OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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