Duck Duck Cougar?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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