we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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