If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
