The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
