This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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