i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
