you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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