I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
