My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
