Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
