Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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