there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
