I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
