so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
