Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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