who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
